Trauma-Related Fear

Alongside the constant ebb and flow of grief, many of us will be experiencing ongoing episodes of the terrible, sometimes crippling fear that often accompanies traumatic loss, and we can also find ourselves easily re-traumatised by new events. In this post I explore how trauma-related fear arises, and how it can affect us.

Because sadly, life does not stop throwing stressful stuff at us, just because we are grieving

During grief, especially traumatic grief, our Window of Tolerance (1) can become very narrow. Window of Tolerance refers to our capacity to tolerate emotions, and varies according to our current emotional and physiological state. When we are tired or stressed for example, we are less able to cope with problems. We might become quite overwhelmed, shaken or upset by sometimes quite minor events that may normally be easily negotiable.

Triggers can arrive suddenly and with no warning, and may floor us with their intensity. A sledge-hammer in our chest, or a dread that slinks slowly into the pit of our stomach as our mind makes a realisation or a connection. Our heart rate increases, nausea settles in, we feel anxious, afraid, shaky, untethered from our anchors, panicky. This is trauma-related fear, and it can last a minute or several hours, and return within a few moments, or not for a month. If you're someone who has experienced multiple traumas, its more likely that you'll be easily triggered or re-traumatised.

For me, the major triggers almost always involve a fear of losing someone else whom I care about. The fear that what has happened once, may happen again. There doesn't have to be any rational link between the trigger and the fear; its enough that my brain makes a connection between the two. And sometimes I'm not even aware of what has triggered me; I'm just floundering in a sea of dread.

Quite ordinary things can also spark anxiety or even panic. An altercation last winter with the owner of a holiday-let absolutely floored me, and left me feeling fearful and fragile for a couple of weeks. But I can also become quite overwhelmed simply because I have more to do than usual, or extremely fatigued because I have spent too long with others (however loved they may be) and have not had enough quiet time. My Window of Tolerance doesn't allow for too much stimulation, and once I have travelled outside my window I can find it very hard to regulate my emotions.

We carry trauma in our bodies.

Its a sensation of being caught, frozen in a moment of time, in a terrifying situation from which there is no escape. We are stuck in an event that has passed, but feels as though it is present. The part of our brain that allows us to process and understand what is happening (the Thalamus) breaks down during times of massive threat, fragmenting and separating our individual senses (smell, touch, sight, sound). Normal memory processing disintegrates. Time freezes. The present danger feels as though it will last forever.

Because our brain cannot fully integrate the terror we have witnessed in the way it would an ordinary event, the frightening memories are laid down in our minds in an incoherent and disjointed way. Freud famously described trauma as a splinter in the mind, causing us to react with frightening intensity to any future event that appears even vaguely similar to our horrific experience. When something reminds us of what happened, our bodies respond as though the event is happening right now.

It is not a memory, it is a re-living, and it is neither within our conscious awareness, nor within our immediate control

And it can be completely and utterly overwhelming.

It took many millions of years for us to evolve from reptiles into humans, and we have inherited brains that are extremely tricky to manage. The original, old reptilian part of our brain has one sole concern: our physical existence. Safety from harm, a place to live, food and water and the right temperature in which to survive. It is this part of our brain that is

Our tricky human brain

responsible for what we all know as Fight or Flight.

When the area of our brain called the Amygdala (sometimes called the smoke detector) identifies a threat to our survival, it sends messages to other parts of our brain, activating our autonomic nervous system and our stress hormone system. This allows us to jettison extra weight (empty our bowels, stomach and bladder) and pushes oxygen around our bodies, particularly into our large muscles, enabling us to fight or to run away. In a situation of real danger, we may suddenly realise we are running before our conscious mind even recognises the need to run, because the whole process is lightning fast. No time to stop and think; our survival is at stake.

Problem: the Amygdala can get it wrong when our brains are traumatised. It can feed us wrong information. It can tell our bodies that we (or our loved ones) are in danger even when we (or they) are not. Because we are stuck in something that our brain has not processed, we can feel very scared even when there is no real current danger to us, or to those we love.

As we evolved from reptiles into mammals, our brains developed sufficiently to enable us to care for our young, and to live in groups, for safety purposes. When a deer senses it is being stalked by a lioness, it warns the herd, and all the animals immediately take flight. Once the danger has passed, however, the deer's Amygdalae will simply relax, and the herd will settle back down and continue grazing.

Problem: I don't know about you, but I can't imagine myself sitting down to eat a meal immediately after being chased by a lion. My threat system would be galvanised into action, and would stay activated for a very long time after all sign of threat had vanished, rendering me incapable of even thinking about food.

This is because our highly intelligent human brains are unable to simply switch off; due to our ability to mentalise, conceptualise and predict. Unlike the deer, we perceive instantly not only that there is a very real continuing threat (the lioness may return) but, thanks to our huge powers of invention we can imagine any number of new, and equally horrifying scenarios just around the corner. Once our threat system has been activated our brains will remain on high alert, watching for danger, long after any real threat has passed.

We are also astonishingly attuned to our fellow human beings. We immediately recognise (often sub-consciously) extremely minute changes in others' facial expressions, and can detect the slightest note of anger when someone is speaking. Observe how your body responds when you hear someone shouting heatedly, or even when you notice the tiniest amount of tension creep into someone's voice. Next time you're watching a tense film, check in with yourself. How are your shoulders, your facial muscles, your jaw? Are you in a state of relaxation, or preparing to run away or lash out?

Some days, even without any discernible trigger, when I take a moment to notice what's going on in my body, I realise that my shoulders are hunched up around my ears, my face is contorted as though I'm in actual physical pain, my whole body is tensed, and my heart is racing. I can notice this even when I'm lying in bed, trying to get to sleep.

When I'm outside my Window of Tolerance and in trauma-response mode, I know I need to calm down my threat system and shut off my Amygdala's alarm call so I can allow my body and mind to rest. This not only (eventually) enables us to relax in the short term, but reduces the risk of us becoming panicky in the future. However, it can be difficult to recognise the signs of fear when we are habitually anxious and stressed, and used to our bodies being in a constant state of tension. And it can be hard to know how to bring our breathing and heart rate under control when our fear has been activated.

We all know the stuff that helps all of us stay generally well, both physically and psychologically: eating healthily, getting enough rest, exercising, spending time in nature, avoiding stress where possible, and not putting undue pressure on ourselves. More specifically, to soothe trauma-related fear, research shows that engaging in rhythmic, regular breathing; mindfulness; meditation; gentle yoga practice and other calming activities like Tai Chi are all beneficial.

In my next series of posts I will be exploring some of these more specific ways to reduce tension and restore calm, using what I've learned through my own experiences during the past few years, as well as the latest trauma treatment research. Finding ways to soothe ourselves helps develop a state of quietness in which we are more likely to attain a sense of peace, and allows us to negotiate the problems life throws at us with more equanimity by expanding our Window of Tolerance. Above all else, be kind to yourself, and treat yourself with the loving attention you would give to someone you love.

References

(1) Window of Tolerance is a term coined by Dan Seigel in his book The Developing Mind. There's a great animation about it here

Sources & Further Reading

Babette Rothschild (2021), Revolutionizing Trauma Treatment: Stabilization, Safety & Nervous System Balance, Norton Babette Rothschild (2000), The Body Remembers, Norton Bessel van der Kolk & Licia Sky (2023) , 2-Day Trauma Conference: The Body Keeps the Score-Trauma Healing Through the Senses (Digital Recording) PESI UK

Bessel van der Kolk (2014), The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, Penguin (2014) Siegel, Daniel J.(1999), The Developing Mind : toward a Neurobiology of Interpersonal Experience. New York :Guilford Press